[The episode begins at the Candy Hospital. A crowd is hovering over Princess Bubblegum as she's pushed on a gurney.]
Tororo: What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?
Dr. Ice Cream: She's totally gross over 90% of her body. The other 10% is crazy nasty.
Shadow: Will she make it, Doctor?
Dr. Ice Cream: [Gravely] I don't know, Shadow. [They quickly pull her to the emergency room, a heart monitor bleeps.] Put sugar on 'er! Two scoops! [She and Nurse Poundcake each put two handfuls of sugar on her, but she starts flat-lining.] We're losing 'er!!
Ice King: No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me, I will never forgive you! I'll be lost—lost in my own emotional labyri—
Finn: [Furiously punches him] YAAAAAH!!
Dr. Ice Cream: Wait, Finn!
Finn: [Scared] What!?
Kululu: Her sugar levels are stabilizing. Kukukuku.
[Princess Bubblegum regains her normal body shape. Everyone starts cheering. "Yaaay! She's alright!"]
Princess Bubblegum: [Drained] Yes, I'm fine. I just need to rest.
Ice King: [Crying] Oh, my wife! Is there anything weird about her? I can't see through these pain tears!
Dr. Eggman: She's fine. Why?
Ice King: It's just that... after Princess fell into the well, I saw something strange happen. Something I still don't understand. [Finn's Root Sword is hurled at Ice King.] Ooh—AGH! Wait! Listen to me!!
Finn: NO! Just shut your face, old man!
Ice King: "Old man?" Heh! What? I'm not old.
Jake: Uh, you are (silently) not, dude.
[Everyone agrees with Jake. "You are pretty old." "Yes, you are." "You're old."] Ice King: Old? I'm... I see. It's all making sense now. Brrrrapapo! [Blasts window with ice magic, shattering it] I'm going, Princess. I'm sorry if my skin grossed you out. Nobody wants to see this old skin, I guess. [Tearing up] Nobody in the world.
All Nicktoons (except EJ): [With rage] JUST GET OUT OF HERE!!
EJ: SHUT YOUR YAPPERS, ALL OF YOU!!!
Ice King: Peace. [He makes a peace sign then exits while waving solemnly. Finn sighs.]
Finn: Sorry about that, Peebles.
Princess Bubblegum: The ice wizard is a weak fool....
Tails: [Running in] Finn! Finn! The other princesses made you a new backpack!
Finn: Whoa, Tails! It's so awesome! Thank you.
Raggedy Princess: [Blushes] You're welcome, Finn! [Giggles and runs off]
Jake: [To Princess Bubblegum.] You look like sick, grey meat, but we're gonna jack you up so awesome.
Spongebob: We should wheel 'er to her bedroom, right?
Jake: Yeah, man, and then we'll do magic tricks.
[Princess Bubblegum closes her eyes.]
Otis: Like fake magic?
Jake: Yeah, like [Jake's voice trails off as the screen turns black.] bruh bruh bruh, bruh...
[Scene shifts to Princess Bubblegum's bedroom.]
Finn and Jake: Princess... Princess... [Princess Bubblegum opens her eyes.] Surprise!
Patrick: We picked every flower in the Candy Kingdom just for you! [The flowers lie in the room, piling half-way up the wall in some places.]
[She says nothing.]
Tai: Princess Bubblegum?
[She makes a strange guttural noise and irregularly bends her body.]
Izzy: Oh, jeez!! [He hides behind Finn.] What's wrong with Princess Bubblegum?!
EJ: [whispering] Quiet, dude. We're supposed to take care of her, not make her feel bad!
Izzy: I know, but she just seems... weird.
EJ: She's just messed up from the accident, man. We just have to take care of her 'til she feels better.
Izzy: Uh... Okay.
[They look at the bed and gasp; she's gone. Sounds are heard from the bathroom. They go there.]
Finn: Princess! Princess, no! You shouldn't be out of bed! [Finn picks her up and carries her back.] Princess... I... I gotta tell ya somethin'. Uh... Sora... [He nudges his head slightly to signal Sora to get out.]
Sora: Oh. Gotcha. I'll go get some tea! [She cuts her way through the pile of flowers and exits.]
Finn: Princess... this sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super messed up, but... it saved me. And I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing this sweater with the power of liking someone a lot. Because... I like you a lot. [Princess Bubblegum is looking at him.] [Finn blushes] Haha, uh... We shouldn't talk about this now. You should rest.
Princess Bubblegum: [Weakly] Finn... I need you to get me some things...
Finn: Yes, Princess.
Patrick: [Entering with Sora] Princess! I brought you some tea—[He gasps, dropping the tea and sees Princess Bubblegum talking to Finn. He hisses like a cat.]
Jake: Whoa... [Patrick runs away on all fours.] Uh... somethin' weird's goin' on.
Finn: [approaches Jake from behind.] Jake!
Jake: [Startled] AH!
Finn: I'm gonna get some stuff for PB. Be right back.
[Jake makes a worried noise. He turns and looks at the princess who is breathing deeply and creepily.]
Jake: [Somewhat scared] Hey... Princess... Sorry you're not feelin' good. [She says nothing and looks at him annoyed (still breathing deeply).] Oh! I'll sing you a song! You love it when I sing songs!
[Jake grabs a pink microphone and small speaker, and forms bongos on his stomach, beginning to sing his song. Princess Bubblegum is visibly annoyed and suddenly has a deeper voice. She growls and puts her hand in a bush, wilting every single flower in the room.]
Jake: Uh... [Princess Bubblegum convulses and yells gibberish.] Uh, this song's not that good. It's a bad one. I... I'm stoppin'. [She yells again.] ...And starting a new song! [Plays bongos] [Princess Bubblegum yells in utter agitation. Her bed begins jumping up and down. Suddenly, demonic flames engulf the room.] AAH... [Princess Bubblegum touches him]
Princess Bubblegum: [apparently melting.] Jake...
Jake: AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! [Steven flees room]
Steven: OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB, OH, MY GLOB!! [To himself] Maybe the toxic waste did somethin' to her brain—made her have demon powers—or somethin’! [EJ runs towards the bedroom door with paraphernalia in his arms.] Yo, dude! Wait! What's all that biz?!
EJ: Uh, bleach, lighter fluid, ammonia, gasoline, I dunno. Lady stuff. Plutonium..
[Princess Bubblegum exits the room.]
Steven: No, man... no... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Princess Bubblegum: [Grabbing ingredients] Thanks. [Goes back in]
EJ: No problem!
Steven: Wait! Hold on!
EJ: What's up?
Steven: Listen... PB's bed was on fire.
EJ: What?! Is she okay?!
Steven: [Whispering] She made it on fire.
EJ: With a match?
Steven: No, man. With her brain... I think... [EJ stares confused.] Look, man, I'll show you.
EJ: Steven, wh-
Steven: Shh!! [Steven carefully opens the door. The room is burnt to a crisp, and Princess Bubblegum is gone.] P-P-P-Princess...?
EJ: [Pointing to bathroom] Over there! [They go in front of the door. EJ knocks.] PB? You in there?
Princess Bubblegum: [Threateningly] I'm busy!
EJ: See? It's fine. She's just havin' private time.
Steven: I'm lookin' in! [Looks through keyhole]
EJ: STEVEN, WHAT THE H?!
Steven: Oh, my glob!
EJ: [blushing.] Come on, man, that's pervy!
Steven: You don't even know, man.
Steven: Look! [Steven forces EJ to look through the keyhole.] See it!
[Princess Bubblegum's skin is now black, and her shape has changed tremendously. She's putting the ingredients from before into the tub and drinking it.]
EJ: Hold on, Peebles! [He smashes down the door.] PRINCESS! [She grows bigger as she drinks the chemicals. She then picks up the whole bath tub and drinks deeply.] AAH! PUT DOWN THE TUB!
[She throws it down and knocks Finn and Jake through a wall. Ice King is revealed to have been listening in. Princess Bubblegum smashes her way out of the castle.]
Silver: Evil presence detected!! [Grapples with monster Princess Bubblegum] Must defend!!
[Back at the Candy Castle]
Ice King/EJ: [poking Finn's face.] Hey, Finn, are you dead or what?
Finn: [Waking up] Whaaah?... Ice King? What are you doing here?
EJ: Hey. He had to keep an eye on the princess because she's being possessed by the Lich.
Finn: [Grunts] He doesn't know that.
EJ: But he does. He saw it with his wizard eyes! [Scene changes to the well.] In the well, he saw something come out of the Lich and go into the princess. But he wasn't sure it was real [scene returns to normal.] because when you have stanky old wizard eyes, sometimes you see things that are real, and other times it's like crazy crazy crazy in your face all the time! [Strange creatures dance around Finn and Jake in the Ice King's vision. He sighs] [To himself] All the time... [To the duo] Guys, let him help you. He doesn't want his future wife to be... physically unattractive, and Scorpion's seen more physically unattractive people in the Mortal Kombat tournaments.
Finn: Listen, you young dumbass. I'm not going to let you let him kill 'er twice. GET STUFFED ALONG WITH ICE KING.
EJ: (outraged with Finn's behavior) YOU YOUNG IDIOTIC BASTARD!!!! (angrily slaps Finn) There is no way I'm letting a bastard do this alone.
Finn: You're the bastard, EJ. You. Get. STUFFED!
[Ice King groans in sadness as they exit.]
EJ: (under his breath) What a bastard.
Finn: We're coming, Princess!
Jake: Dude! I think we should heed EJ's directions and let the Ice King help! He can freeze her, which could buy us some t—
Finn: Dump that mess! I'mma set 'er free with my like-like sweater!
Jake: [Propels Finn towards her with his hind end.] EJ was right about you. You are a big bastard.
Finn: [while hurtling through the air.] I like you, Princess!!
[Princess Bubblegum punches Finn, who screams.]
[Finn is knocked back to the castle, next to a forlorn Ice King.]
Finn: Urrgh... [To himself] Liking her... didn't work. She's unstoppable... unless... [He sees her stomping on Jake's head and sighs.] [Reluctantly] Ice King, I... I need you to freeze Princess Bubblegum. Will you help me?
Ice King: [Gasps] Are you suuuuure?
Finn: [Annoyed] Yes.
EJ: Great! [Laughs and grabs Finn before exiting]
[They fly towards her.]
Finn: I'll distract 'er up top, you freeze 'er legs!
Ice King: [Throwing Finn] Wah!
Finn: I'M A CAT! I'M AN AGILE CAT! JAKE! DUCK! [Jake retracts his body and falls to the ground. Finn grabs Princess Bubblegum's hair and covers her face with it.] MEOW, ICE KING! [Ice King grunts as he freezes the monstrosity with visible difficulty. A bird brings Finn down to the ground before he's frozen.] Thanks, bird!
[The Candy People gather around and cheer.]
Ice King: Yeah! Whoopie!
Finn: You did good, Ice King.
Ice King: Oh, yeah?
Finn: Yeah, man.
[Suddenly, Princess Bubblegum topples over and her body is totally shattered. Finn looks at Jake, who both have a look of utter and total shock and horror.]
Ice King: Okay. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?
Gumball Guardian: [shattered.] Duuuude...
EJ: (groans) Stupid laws of gravity. We gotta get 'er to the hospital!
[Scene shifts back to the hospital.]
Dr. Ice Cream: Start assembling! Here, try to connect these two pieces! [The pieces don't connect.] Turn it... [The wads of gum stick.] Perfect. [The wad of gum is put on Princess Bubblegum's head to make a piece of her hair.] Give me more pieces, Doctor Princess!
Dr. Princess: That's all we have, Dr. Ice Cream!
Dr. Ice Cream: What?! That can't be!
Nurse Poundcake: [Gasps] What do we do, Doctor?
Dr. Ice Cream: [sighing] ...I don't know, Nurse Poundcake.
[Outside the emergency room, everyone is chattering.]
Finn: I hope she's okay...
Kululu: Attention, everyone...
Finn: [In desperation] IS PB OKAY?!?
Kululu: Yes... but there were some complications.
Kululu: Yes... I'm afraid... there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now...... younger. [A young Princess Bubblegum steps out of the emergency room. Everyone gasps, astonished.] She's 13 years old now.
Ice King: Aw, dang it! Well, I'm outta here. Goodbye, everyone. [Exits]
Finn: 13 years old? That's how old I am. [Princess Bubblegum smiles at Finn. He blushes.] Uh...
Jake: [Amused] Whoa...
[She walks up to him.]
Princess Bubblegum: [Embracing him] Give me a hug, hero.
[Everyone cheers. Finn embraces her. Suddenly the camera pans menacingly past the crowd and reveals the waving snail—possessed by the Lich. The story ends.]